Connecting With Others

Sunday Teaching

Oct 3

The full video of this teaching is available at the bottom of this post and can also be accessed directly at this link.

MY FAVORITE PRAGMATIC PASSAGE

Let’s open by reading our passage for today, Colossians 3:12-17:

12 Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. 13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 14 Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. 17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.

Colossians 3 is one of my favorite New Testament chapters. The reason? I’m extremely pragmatic. I can only listen to abstract discussion for just a couple of minutes before I start evaluating it by asking, What does this have to do with this Tuesday?

In chapter 2, Paul spends a lot of time on theology because he’s correcting some false teaching that has worked its way into the church in Colossae. And because I’m so pragmatic, this is where he starts to lose me. I’m reading all this theology thinking, Okay, Paul, but what does this have to do with this week?

Listen to some of what he says in chapter 2:

“Christ performed a spiritual circumcision—the cutting away of your sinful nature.” Great, what does that look like this Tuesday afternoon at school?
“Jesus disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.” Alright. But Wednesday morning in our department meeting, what does that look like for me?
“Don’t let anyone capture you with…high-sounding nonsense that comes from… the spiritual powers of this world.” Okay. But what does this look like while I’m watching TV on a Friday night?

Then we get to chapter 3, and he shows us what all that chapter 2 theology looks like with skin on. It looks like individual lives participating in authentic community.

Or, as chapter 3 for our BECOME groups this week is titled, it looks like Connecting With Others God Has Brought Into Our Lives.

WE OFTEN READ THIS PASSAGE WHEN WE’RE ALONE

In our car before walking into school.
On the couch with a cup of coffee before the house wakes up.

But alone.

And when we read it that way, it is easy to turn it into a personal self-improvement list: imitate Christ, let love guide me, keep peace in my heart, be thankful, stay in the Word, represent Jesus.

Got it. I’ll do that the best I can today.

All true. All good. But Paul isn't writing to YOU. He's writing to Y'ALL. Every command and pronoun in 3:12-17 is plural in the Greek.

And look at what Paul asks for: make allowance for each other's faults, forgive anyone who offends you, teach and counsel each other. None of it can be done alone.

Authentic Christian community happens in four movements, all at once. The problem is we've individualized our lives so thoroughly that we can walk right past the beauty of biblical community. So here's a framework for how it actually helps us BECOME more like Christ.

THE GOSPEL’S VISION FOR REAL COMMUNITY

Being Known, Not Just Recognized

Being recognized is when someone in the lobby says, “Hey... buddy!” because they’ve seen your face about once a month for three years. You only get a nod or a quick hug, because you're never involved enough for anyone to really get to know you.

Being recognized is pleasant.
It’s also about as emotionally filling as a rice cake.

Being known is when:

someone notices you’ve been quiet lately and texts you about it.
It’s when someone remembers your dad’s biopsy was this week and asks how it came back.
It’s when someone hears you say, “I’m fine,” doesn’t buy it for a second, and encourages you.

By failing to connect with the people God has already placed around them, many Christians can attend a church for years, be recognized by many, and still not truly be known by anyone.

Here’s a simple test: if you disappeared from Newstart for a month, who have you allowed to know you well enough to come looking for you?

If that question made you squirm, good. That's not condemnation. It's an invitation. People can only love you as deeply as you let them know you.

To live out 3:12-17, we must be known by other Christians and not just recognized.

Vulnerability, Not Privacy

Let’s be clear: privacy isn’t a sin. Not everyone in the coffee line needs the details of our colonoscopy. But a lot of us have confused privacy with protection, and protection with isolation.

We give people the staged-for-sale living room tour of our lives. Pillows fluffed. Scented candle lit. Bible on the coffee table at just the right casual angle, and the TV turned off.

Meanwhile, we keep them out of the family room, because that’s where we’ve piled the credit card debt, the anxiety about our kid’s grades, the doubts about our faith, and the vice we keep insisting we’ve got under control.

The things we refuse to let anyone see are the exact things no one can help us carry.

Vulnerability isn't dumping our trauma on strangers or posting it at 2 a.m. That's a “woah is me” fishing expedition.

Vulnerability is choosing a few Christians you trust and opening one door at a time. This happens so well in Life Group and serving team relationships. It might start with a sentence like, "Can I tell you something I've never said out loud?" That sentence is terrifying. It's also the one that lets the light in.

Availability, Not Just Proximity

This story has happened too many times. One couple sits in the third row from the back, left side, aisle seats so that they can slip out during the last song. Another couple sits two rows ahead. Same service, same seats, same quick exit. They know each other's kids by name, and trade "Good to see you" as they are getting coffee on their way in. Then one Sunday the seats two rows ahead are empty. Then the next. Months later, the first couple hears in the checkout line at Kroger that the marriage has been over since spring. Years of Sundays, two rows apart, and nobody knew.

Proximity isn't the problem. It's actually a gift. Nearly every friendship at Newstart begins with proximity: sitting in the same section, serving on the same team, or having kids the same age.

Proximity puts you near people.
Availability makes room for them.

Imagine being the first name that comes to someone's mind when the diagnosis comes back, or the marriage starts to crack, or the teenager stops coming home on time. Not because you have all the answers, but because they know there's room for them in your life. You can be that person who is available to them.

Availability is where Being Known and Vulnerability are already in place. We need Christians in our lives that already know us and have seen our mess. That kind of trust gets built in the in-between places: the small group around somebody's living room, the team stacking chairs, or volunteers rocking babies in the nursery.

Availability means leaving margin in your week on purpose so your participation is more than attendance.

Discipling Others and Being Discipled

In Colossians 3:16, Paul says, "Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives." Discipling others looks like noticing drift in their life, encouraging faith, giving and receiving correction, and keeping each other steady over time.

Most of us are lopsided here. Some of us are sponges. Years of sermons, podcasts, books, and small group studies have soaked in, and nobody is learning to follow Jesus by watching us. Others are faucets. Always pouring, always leading, always the one with the answer, and nobody has permission to speak into their lives.

Discipleship was never meant to be a classroom. It’s being a step or two ahead and willing to let them watch you up close, flaws included. And you need someone a few steps ahead of you who has permission to ask the questions you'd rather dodge.

Every follower of Jesus needs someone to learn from and someone to pour into. If you're missing one, the words aren't complicated: "Would you be willing to meet with me once a month? I want to grow, and I need you to be honest with me." Or flip it: "I'd love to walk with you for a while. Want to grab breakfast?"

YOUR PERSONALITY AND CONNECTING WITH OTHERS

In my years of pastoring, I've noticed one thing that shapes how people connect more than how long they've been attending.

Introverts and extroverts are both gifts. Introverts can bring depth, sustained focus, and natural listening skills that make people feel safe. Extroverts can bring energy and a knack for pulling people into the room. Either type can be really good at the four movements of Christian community we just walked through.

But I've also watched the very same wiring become the excuse for never connecting in authentic Christian community.

The Introvert Dodge

We introverts justify not connecting in church community by saying things like:

My faith is personal.
I'm more of a coffee-and-my-Bible guy.
I connect most with Jesus when I’m alone.
Every one of those sentences is true enough to be dangerous.

Oh, and we love every passage in the Gospels that says Jesus slipped away to be alone with the Father.

We tend to treat Christian community like a cactus. Low maintenance. Water once a month. Thrives on neglect. But even a cactus dies in a closet.

We can have a rich prayer life, a stack of books on our nightstand, and a podcast queue that would make a seminary jealous, and still be slowly drifting with nobody close enough to notice.

Introversion is about how we recharge, not whether we need regular community to live out Colossians 3.

Somewhere along the way, a lot of us started using "introvert" as a permission slip to dodge authentic community.

The Extrovert Settle

You extroverts have the opposite problem. You’re at church early, you serve on two ministry teams, and you lead a small group. You know most of the kids’ names, and probably their dog's name. Some of you have settled for being among the most recognized people in the church while still being some of the least known and least vulnerable.

Think about standing at the edge of a small Ohio river and skipping a stone to the other side. It hits the water eight, nine, ten times and lands on the far bank. Plenty of contact. But it never goes deep.

That’s what a lot of “extrovert community” can look like.
“Hey! How are you?”
“Great!” “Busy!” “So good to see you!”
And then on to the next person.

The life of the party rarely has to become the subject of the conversation. Introverts can hide in the quiet. Extroverts can hide in the noise.

Different hiding places. Same result.

SO WHAT ABOUT THIS WEEK?

Sunday is the easy part. We sit in rows, sing the songs, hear the sermon, pray, give our tithe, shake a few hands, and head home. But Colossians 3 was never meant to stay in the room with us on Sunday.

This week is when we send the text because somebody seemed off. It’s when we stay ten minutes longer, ask one more question, invite someone to breakfast, or finally let somebody into the part of our life we usually keep cleaned up and closed off.

We do not have to become the most connected person in the church by next week. Just take one step toward being known, one step toward being more vulnerable, one step toward being present, one step toward helping somebody else follow Jesus while letting somebody help us do the same.

That is how community gets built. Not all at once. Not by accident. Connecting with those God has brought into our lives happens all week.

Y’all get connected!

Link to Bible Study Leaders Guide for this Teaching.

Greg McNichols