STUPID HATE
Proverbs 6:16-19
16 There are six things the Lord hates— no, seven things he detests:
“...six, no seven…” This is not a sloppy miscount while writing on papyrus without an eraser. Hebrew wisdom writers often used the “X… X+1” formula to build intensity and to draw attention. It’s a way of saying, pay attention to the list, especially the last one.
17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent,
18 a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong,
19 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family (people of the same community).
The seventh in the list is the culmination of the other six: “a person who sows discord in a family.” That is the business end of all the tines on this pitchfork—describing the one who deliberately stirs up conflict among those who ought to be united.
These are not just individual quirks that God finds irritating. They are community wreckers.
Haughty eyes—looking down on people.
A lying tongue—shredding trust.
Hands that kill the innocent—leaving families grieving.
A heart that plots evil—stirring up trouble.
Feet that race to do wrong—treating harm like it's a sport.
A false witness who pours out lies—wrecking reputations.
The relational fallout spreads like wildfire, and the person engaging in any of the above is sowing the destruction of community!
God hates these things. Do not picture God pacing heaven in an emotional tirade. As a doctor fights infection in the body, God opposes what infects community.
WISE HATE
Most of us are taught from the time we’re kids that hate is always bad. “Don’t say hate.”, right? Yet Proverbs 6 pushes back on that. God actually expects His people to have some wise hate. Hate that knows where to aim.
Paul said it straight in Romans 12:9: “Hate what is wrong.” Wise hate protects. Wise hate pulls the weeds that choke out the flowers.
The challenge for us is that Proverbs doesn’t give us a list of people God despises; it provides us with a list of behaviors that destroy community. God’s aim is surgical. Ours is sloppy. And when our hate spills onto the very people God is trying to redeem, we’ve crossed the line from wise hate into destructive hate.
ATTACKING THE PATIENT
But Stupid Hate? That’s where we live more often than we’d like to admit. Instead of targeting the infection, Stupid Hate goes after the patient. Instead of resisting the lie, it resents the liar. We confuse the infection with the one suffering from it, and suddenly, we’re fighting the wrong thing. Stupid Hate is like an auto-immune disease that attacks the body and not the infection.
And here’s the ugly part. We convince ourselves we’re standing for truth when, in reality, we’re just letting bitterness run the show. We label, dismiss, and distance, all while telling ourselves it’s “righteous anger.” Proverbs pulls the mask off that kind of hate: “Hatred stirs up quarrels” (Prov. 10:12). Stupid Hate doesn’t heal community; it infects it further.
Stupid Hate also feeds our craving for payback. Proverbs 24:29 warns us not to say, “I’ll do to them as they have done to me.” That’s not treatment—that’s just passing the infection along. And Proverbs 26:24–26 reminds us that hatred disguises itself with smooth talk but eventually breaks out for what it is, like a hidden infection that can’t stay hidden forever. In the end, Stupid Hate makes us carriers of the very disease we thought we were fighting.
PROPER DIAGNOSES
So here’s the call: we’ve got to recognize our own Stupid Hate for what it is and let God redirect it. To pause when anger rises in us and ask: Am I resisting the infection, or am I just punishing the patient? Am I hating what God hates, or am I misdiagnosing the problem? Proverbs invites us to hate wisely—to let God’s Spirit act like the antibiotic, targeting the real sickness without destroying the body. Anything less just spreads the infection further.
Proverbs teaches us to resist the hate-worthy actions (the infection to community), but extend grace to the infected one. That grace may look like forgiveness, patience, or prayer. But, it also looks like boundaries. We don’t drink from a poisoned well while we’re waiting for it to be cleaned. Wise hate protects community, but grace protects the person. And when the two come together—hate for the infection, grace for the patient—we reflect the heart of God: holy, healing, and unwilling to be anyone’s doormat.
HOW TO ATTACK THE INFECTION
Name the infection. Call the behavior what it is—lying, gossip, pride, stirring up division—without softening it or excusing it (Prov. 6:16–19). If you don’t name the behavior, you’ll end up enabling it or participating in it by default.
Draw wise boundaries. Refuse to get pulled into the mess. Don’t join gossip, don’t retaliate, and create distance if the behavior is toxic (Prov. 4:23).
Show grace to the person. Pray for them, speak truth with humility, and remember they are someone God is working to redeem (Rom. 5:8).
Fight for healing, not payback. Our role isn’t to get even but to point people toward restoration and wholeness (Prov. 24:29; Gal. 6:1).
Seek wise counsel. Don’t fight infections alone. Bring in trusted, godly friends or leaders who can help you discern when to confront, when to step back, and when to wait (Prov. 11:14).
Avoid the unrepentant. Proverbs warns us not to walk with fools because their path becomes ours (Prov. 13:20). Paul echoes the same: “Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them” (Titus 3:10). Dr. Henry Cloud would say it something like this: when people show you through repeated behavior that they will not change, you have to believe them. Continued access is continued permission. Love doesn’t mean keeping the door wide open for destruction. Sometimes, the most loving act is distance.
Wise Hate fights the infection, not the patient; it sets boundaries, shows grace, and protects community. That is the way we reflect the heart of God.
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